When Success Creates Disconnection: 3 Ways To Reclaim Your Joy
“I don’t get it. I’m powerful, financially successful, achieving great things. So, why do I feel so off?”
This is something I hear regularly when working with highly successful and/or high-achieving clients. I nod, and reply:
“Right? You’ve got the status. You’ve secured the income. You’ve made your impact. You’re even lavishing your lives in pleasurable experiences. And yet here you are… talking to me! What’s that about?”
The painful paradox
It’s often an uncomfortable moment. Despite all the efforts, the cycle of almost-addictive achievement that I speak about in my previous article, life feels thin, friendships seem shallow or scarce, even intimacy seems scheduled or even non-existent.
How has this happened? Wasn’t success supposed to bring satisfaction?
Well, sadly, success is only partly the answer, as research again and again points us towards a key variable in human happiness that often gets lost along the way for high achievers. Namely, our relationships. Something high-achievers might admit they often end up neglecting or de-prioritising.
Research findings: the importance of relationship & the impact of work
The research on this is pretty adamant, so here are the facts:
Stronger social relationships predict better health and lower mortality (Source)
Greater marital quality is linked to better health, and reduced mortality rates. (Source)
Higher satisfaction in long-term relationships improves overall quality of feelings in life, better mental health, and higher life satisfaction. (Source)
Work-family conflict (WFC) is reliably linked to lower couple relationship quality. (Source)
Work-related stress crosses over to partners, which in turn decreases their family satisfaction. (Source)
Time at work can interfere with and amplify dissatisfaction at home. (Source)
Long hours can lead to relationship breakdown (Source)
Poor work/home boundaries can increase conflicts at home. (Source, Source)
Where are things going wrong?
As we can see from the research above, there’s a reciprocal relationship between work, relationships like partners and family, and strain. Highly successful or high-achieving individuals often struggle to negotiate this balance.
Basically, it works like this:
Success and high-achieving often come with demands, such as focus, workloads, 24/7 availability.
These demands dominate time/energy.
This leaves little time/energy left for nurturing friendships, romantic attachments, or family relationships.
This produces a work-relationships conflict
Because relationships are so important to mental health, the deterioration in our relationships can lead to life-dissatisfaction, relationship conflicts and decreased mental health, despite how much we achieve.
We often forget it, but the research is clear: Human relationships are that important. Even if we’re achieving. Even if we have the status and money. Even if our life is full of pleasure. Without relationships, for most of us life is left wanting…
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Identify with anything in this article so far? Struggling to make change? Book an appointment with me now and start making progress.
Early warning signs
Sometimes we’re lost in this dynamic and we don’t even know it, so here’s some signs to look out for…
More and more of your conversations become logistical, practical problems to be solved. Even with friends and partners. It all feels like tasks to get done.
Your start to treat all your relationships, even friends and partners, like business meetings. You start cancelling them in favour of work or a desperate need to rest, because you’ve nothing left in the tank after the work is done.
You outsource your affection and openness. Maybe if you buy them this nice thing they’ll be happy, because there’s not enough time to really hang out.
You don’t really show up, even if when you manage to arrive. “OK, I’ll meet them, but I’m so tired I won’t be able to pay proper attention, or I’m so busy I’ll be constantly checking my phone.” Basically, your relationships are often second place.
Despite all your successes and achievements, you’re still irritable. You still feel like something is missing.
How to Reclaim Your Happiness: Reclaim your relationships
The good news is that the research also identifies three key ways we can mitigate this process:
Support. Better work-based and non-work-based social relationships help reduce work-family conflicts. (Source)
Boundaries. Better delineation and focus between work and home roles decrease work-family conflicts and even improve job-outcomes (Source, Source)
Selective optimization / compensation. Protecting and improving limited relationship time. This can decrease work-relationship conflicts, and increase relationship satisfaction, even without reducing time at work. (Source)
High achievers will probably be very interested in that last one. Yes, it’s possible to mitigate long hours of work by making the few hours you do spend with friends and partners good quality time. That means protecting that time from work interruptions, as much as possible, and making it time to connect, not just get stuff done.
Book an Appointment Now
Book a 20-min consult or a 50-min session now and let’s upgrade your Relationship Operating System to fit your high-performance life. Think boundaries that protect your relationships, new habits that prioritise the social side of your life, and strategies that promote connection (not just getting it done) when you do meet your loved ones.
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In the Comments
How do success and achievement impact your relationships?
What have you done to mitigate this impact?
Comment below!
FAQ: When Success Creates Disconnection
What do you mean by “success creates disconnection”?
Big wins often demand time, focus and 24/7 availability. Over time, that squeezes out friendships, intimacy and play—so life looks “full” but feels empty. bristol-therapist.co.uk
How do I know if this is happening to me?
Conversations become logistical, affection is “outsourced” (gifts over presence), phones intrude when you finally meet, and irritability lingers despite achievements. bristol-therapist.co.uk
Does fixing this mean I have to achieve less?
Not necessarily. Stronger boundaries and higher-quality connection time can lift relationship satisfaction without cutting hours straight away. bristol-therapist.co.uk
What practical boundaries actually work for high-pressure roles?
Examples: device-free meals/evenings, shared “do-not-disturb” windows, a second work phone left at the desk, and meeting-free micro-blocks to transition before you re-enter home life. bristol-therapist.co.uk
What counts as “quality time” when I’m exhausted?
Short, protected windows that prioritise warmth over logistics—walks, shared rituals, simple check-ins—are more restorative than long, distracted hangouts. bristol-therapist.co.uk
Can therapy help if my partner won’t come?
Yes. Individual work can reduce work–home friction, improve boundaries and upgrade how you show up—often shifting the whole system. If we later need couples input, we can discuss options. bristol-therapist.co.uk
How fast can things improve?
Many clients notice early wins within weeks once we install 1–2 clear boundaries and a protected connection ritual; deeper habits take longer. bristol-therapist.co.uk
What if my culture expects 24/7 responsiveness?
We start with micro-boundaries (e.g., 20–45-minute protected blocks), renegotiated norms with key stakeholders, and selective optimisation—improving the quality of limited time. bristol-therapist.co.uk
How will we measure progress?
Fewer “logistics-only” conversations, reduced phone pull during family time, more spontaneous warmth, and lower irritability despite workload. bristol-therapist.co.uk
Do you work online?
Yes, I offer secure online sessions. (See booking options on the page.) bristol-therapist.co.uk
How do I start? What happens first?
Book a specialised consult (available on page above) to map your goals and constraints, then choose a full session (typically 50 minutes). We’ll target support, boundaries and quality-time upgrades tailored to your life. bristol-therapist.co.uk
